Why We Do What We Do

 In our lives, we often find ourselves taking on tasks, helping others, or going the extra mile—sometimes even when no one has asked us to. It could be something as simple as staying late at work, offering assistance to a friend who never requested it, or doing more than what’s expected in our personal relationships with partners, kids, siblings, or parents. These actions may appear selfless at first glance, but sometimes they come from a much deeper, unspoken place. There’s a subtle pattern in human behavior that many of us don’t acknowledge openly: our constant need to prove our significance through actions that may go unnoticed or unrequested.

We often stretch beyond what's required, not because it’s necessary, but because it feeds a deep-seated need to feel important. It’s not just about fulfilling responsibilities; it’s about feeling significant, about knowing that we matter. But why is this need so strong? After reflecting on this, I realized that there are a few key reasons why we feel the need to prove our importance through these actions.

1. Fear of Irrelevance

One of the most powerful drivers of our desire to feel significant is fear. Fear, in this context, may take on many forms—perhaps it’s fear of missing out (FOMO), but more often, it’s the fear of becoming irrelevant or invisible. At our core, we may dread being forgotten or feeling dispensable. We try to prove we’re indispensable, often without even realizing it. Every extra task we take on becomes a shield against the possibility of fading into the background. This fear can manifest in different aspects of our lives—whether it’s in our jobs, friendships, or personal relationships. The more we feel we are needed, the more we reassure ourselves that we matter. We sometimes create unnecessary work to justify our existence and prove our worth, even when it’s not required.

2. The Validation Loop

Another driver behind our need to go above and beyond is the validation loop. When we do more than what's asked, we often receive praise or acknowledgment, which temporarily satisfies our need for recognition. This validation feels good, and it creates an addictive cycle: extra effort → recognition → temporary satisfaction → need for more validation. It’s a loop that keeps us constantly reaching for more tasks and more acknowledgment to feel worthy.

For example, a parent might go above and beyond for their child, not just because it's needed, but because they find purpose in their role as a provider and protector. Similarly, a partner might go out of their way to please the other, perhaps not for any specific request, but to feel significant in the relationship. I sometimes wonder: Is this really about seeking praise, or is it more about fulfilling an internal need for purpose and self-worth? Could it be that we’re seeking significance, not in the acknowledgment of others, but in the satisfaction of fulfilling our own internal narrative of what it means to be valuable?

3. The Need for Purpose and Self-Worth

As I’ve reflected more on this over the years, I’ve come to believe that feeling important shouldn’t stem from what we do for others. Instead, it should come from understanding our intrinsic worth. No task, no duty, no act of service can truly fill the void of self-doubt if we don't first recognize and affirm our own value. The constant need for external validation can only provide temporary satisfaction. But when we deeply understand that our worth isn’t tied to what we do for others or how we’re perceived, we can approach life with a healthier sense of purpose.

True Significance Comes From Within

True significance is not about the validation we seek from the outside world. It’s about recognizing that we are valuable simply because we exist. The work we do, the help we offer, and the love we give should come from a place of genuine desire to serve, not from the need to be seen as indispensable. When we begin to find significance within ourselves, rather than in the external acknowledgment we seek, we can let go of the pressure to prove our worth. True significance comes from being authentic, maintaining healthy boundaries, and choosing our additional contributions wisely.

This reminds me of a concept from the Bhagavad Gita—the idea of Nishkama Karma, or desireless action. The Gita teaches that one should perform their duties without attachment to the outcome, without seeking recognition or reward. This approach to life encourages us to act from a place of purpose and selflessness, rather than from a need to fulfill our own ego.