Can’t Stop thinking about YOU!

 Universe has mysterious ways of connecting people. Some connections last only for a short time, some a little longer and a few a lifetime. What makes these connections last and what makes these connections fade away? And what about reconnections that happen after a long gap? There is some trigger for every connection both for a start or an end. 

July 16th was the day one such reconnection was rekindled. 17 Year long wait came to an end! Even though we started out with being reserved, slowly we inched forward to regain old times comfort. With the embrace all the pent up emotions flooded out and we couldn’t hold each other back anymore. We were back together again and that felt like heaven! Eventually we had to come back to reality and had to part ways  with heavy hearts that night. 

Days that followed were filled with sweet thoughts, messages and phone calls, recollecting old memories and learning about each other’s past and present. Over time both of us had gone through our share of life’s experiences  - forming, norming and storming in our relationships. Talking to each other about our past, we realized that at some point in our life we had chosen to search for ways to find peace in chaos while doing our best to play our roles and fulfill our responsibilities. 

Over the Years….

In the last 17 years, both of us had thought about each other (he more than I), missed each other as memories from our past flashed in our minds. After searching for a while, I had stumbled upon his blog. I kept reading through old posts, reliving every moment when I missed him most. I would also look up online to find out about his whereabouts and see his pictures or videos. Each song he had mentioned in the blog was like a time machine that whisked me back to those golden days. But deep down, I knew he would never reach out on his own as he wanted me to live my life without any distractions. I always had a high regard for him and a special place in my heart. 

Then came the unexpected twist of fate: 13 long years of absolute silence shattered by a pandemic! When the whole world was going through transformation in thinking and outlook towards life reevaluating priorities, I felt the need to reach out and check on how he is doing. One early morning while I was laying in my bed, I sent him an email asking if everything was ok at his end. To my surprise he replied instantly which was totally unexpected! After that one instance of communication we went back into our worlds living our lives as before. 

Another 3 years later, I reached out again. I couldn't bear the thought of being in the same city without seeing him. After a lot of persuasion over emails he agreed to meet, only to discover later that destiny had other plans for us. He was living in another city since 3 years and he had travelled to meet me without prior communication. Unfortunately, I was out of town the day he had arrived. I was pretty disappointed about a missed opportunity.  Even though he had travelled so far and was disappointed, he dealt with that whole situation so gracefully not getting agitated or upset and accepting it as God’s play and destiny. Finally he decided to share his phone number hesitantly reminding me to not break his trust. 

In the first call emotions overflowed. We talked about each other later followed by email exchanges and text messages. We learnt about each others families, how our thoughts and feelings evolved over time. I reminded him of the long forgotten blog and he quickly revived it making a promise that he would continue to write often. As I headed back home after vacation, the messages dried out but he continued to write the blog as promised. I kept a tab on all the updates regularly. Then one day he had posted something about how unusual last month had been where he let his guard down and experienced various emotions as we conversed and he wanted to get back to his normalcy by putting his blinders back on focusing on his life. He did not like being vulnerable and wanted to avoid any distractions in life. He said he was on a path of renunciation and nothing excites him as much. After reading that post I felt that I should give him his space and not bother him by pinging often. I sent a message saying I would stay away and promised that I would never do anything to break his trust. 

 

A year rolled by with me silently reading his blogs and thinking of him. I thought about him so much more and missed him a lot in this last year than in the last 16 years. I still kept my promise and stayed away. He kept sharing his thoughts on various topics even though frequency of the posts reduced over time. 

Then came along this intervention from the Universe to get us back in touch once again. I had a rare chance to visit his city for work. I could not stop thinking about him and the urge to be able to see him in person increased by leaps and bounds. Once my travel reservations were confirmed sent him an email asking of he would be willing to meet in the short duration I had. I told him I would ask only once and not pressurize him like last year to meet. After a few days as the date was getting closer sent him a reminder to confirm whether he would be willing to meet or not. He came back with such a sweet reply with some humor giving me options as to how I would like that meeting to be. I could sense the excitement in his words! I was so so delighted! I couldn’t stop smiling and my heart was racing in anticipation. I never ever imagined that this day would come! that too after being apart for 17 years! 

Finally the day arrived!! We met at the airport and I went ahead to give him a big hug with so much excitement. He seemed a little hesitant to reciprocate the hug. That left me confused. The excitement in the email did not show in person! So what could it be. We exchanged few pleasantries and enquired about our families. Slowly and steadily we inched forward in our conversations to find the comfort and closeness we previously shared. It took a long time to get there but by the end of the night we had found our sweet spot just like old times! A night to remember! Whatever happened that night I dont think both of us will ever forget until end of our time! We thought that was it but somehow managed to meet another day before I left. This time we walked around on busy streets, shared an ice cream and chatted endlessly like teenagers on a date :) When the time came to part ways we behaved very maturely without any drama we left and continued our conversation over messages and calls. We missed each other a lot but also accepted the reality we were in. Both of us knew we had our lives to live and the responsibilities we had to keep up with. 

Life changed after that dramatically! With endless chatting through the day, soulful conversations through sleepless nights, next 2 months passed by. How much ever we talk, still there is so much more.. We share everything that happens during our day, we share goals and encourage each other to work towards them. We end our day hanging up reluctantly only to look forward to another new day! Now I cant imagine my life without him being part of it. I feel universe conspired to bring us back together again. I am so thankful for the reconnection and the joy that has brought into my life.  I have found my soul mate who loves me endlessly and wishes for the best for me always. What more can I ask for? 

The Present…

Now my day starts and ends thinking about him, messaging him. All through the day (and night sometimes :)), I keep thinking about him and sending him messages about what I am thinking, find songs or quotes that remind me of him, anything I come across i feel like sharing. I can talk about anything under the sun without fear of judgement. He is there for me emotionally to provide comfort as I navigate through my life’s challenges. He is there to motivate and support me to be a better version of myself everyday. He loves me unconditionally and has genuine interest in my well being. I love the spark and the magic we both feel and experience as we talk to each other. I hope we continue to nurture our special bond rest of our lives and be there for each other no matter where we are. I want to love him with all my heart forever and ever and ever. 

Thank you universe for bringing us back together one more time! We are two souls intertwined, ready to create our own epic love story. We are meant to be together and our love will shine bright!❤️