Children and PTM's

I wonder what percentage of Indian parents return home with their heads held high after school Parent Teacher Meetings, When the teachers share the progress and give direct feedback about the child. I had this humbling experience last week when I went to kid's school. Meeting each teacher, and hearing a set of complaints about my daughter who is studying 5th grade was not an enjoyable experience. 

As I was returning from school, my mind was thinking about how my father handled feedback about me when I was a kid. I probably had potential but was too distracted to ever live up to potential during my early years. After PTM's, my father used to say nothing to me, my mother would continue to nag for the whole week. My mother would always bring in the comparison with the next-door neighbor's kid who was doing great. My daughter also displays some similar traits, like being overconfident, wanting attention, being unable to focus, and being too lazy to write anything in class.  

Anyway, 30 years later, I am doing well. My father is not around for me to ask him why he would not say anything to me. Did he foresee anything or was it just that he did not want to have a difficult conversation? I will never know.

But the question is what do I do at present - Beating up the kid and putting restrictions on her will only cause her to resent me more. Just saying nothing to her like my father or letting my spouse nag her for days to come may not be the best. These are the thoughts that went through my mind -  I have no clue how she will turn out years from now or what the universe has in store for her. But inspired by Bhagwad Gita Chapter 3 Verses 8 and 9, as a father I have to do my duty, guide, and counsel the kid, maybe speak to her every week about the progress she is making. 

I fully understand that as a parent, I will not be around forever, but what I can and must do us to give her good values. These will outlive the wealth or any inheritance that I will give her, guide her throughout her life, enable her with knowledge, and help her find the right path. In the age of AI and Chat GPT, learning has more to it than mugging up something. Encouraging the kids to understand concepts, figure out ways to research, interpret from various perspectives and form their own personal perspectives is important. All this when coupled with the values such as Ahimsa (do no harm, do not cheat, Do what is right), speaking the truth, treating others with respect, follow in the path of dharma, sharing what you have, never aspiring for anything that not yours, etc may be the best way forward.

I don't expect any miracles but with time, I hope with these values she will also mature, will know what is right and wrong, and follow the path of Dharma

Bhagwad Gita Chapter 3 Verses 8 and 9

yas tv indriyāṇi manasā

niyamyārabhate ‘rjuna

karmendriyaiḥ karma-yogam

asaktaḥ sa viśiṣyate

Perform your prescribed duty, for doing so is better than not working. One cannot even maintain one’s physical body without work.

yajnarthat karmano 'nyatra

loko 'yam karma-bandhanah

tad-artham karma kaunteya

mukta-sangah samacara

Work must be done as a sacrifice for Vishnu, otherwise work causes bondage in this material world. Therefore, O son of Kunti, perform your prescribed duties for His satisfaction, and in that way you will always remain free from bondage.