Memories

"When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure" 

don't know who said this. But this week was a Memory treasure hunt.

During the initial days of Div's marriage, beer was my fav evening refuge, each pint brought back one of her memories and each memory made me start another pint of beer. One day I had the resolve to give up on drinks and became a teetotaler. I drowned myself in work instead by working long 14 to 15 hours days, that was the only way out of the overcome and be distracted from thinking or attempting to contact her. While I was successful on most occasions, the urge to know about would overcome me and I would keep a tab on the latest about her. Occasionally knowing that she is doing ok would make me happy.

Jagjit Singh and Maroon 5 brought some solace. 

Fav songs from that time 

"Chand ke saath kai dard purane nikle kitne gum the jo tere gum ke bahane nikle" 

Maroon 5 - Memories -  

Amazing lyrics - 

Cheers to the wish you were here, but you're not

'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories

Of everything we've been through

Toast to the ones here today

Toast to the ones that we lost on the way

'Cause the drinks bring back all the memories

And the memories bring back, memories bring back you

There's a time that I remember when I did not know no pain

When I believed in forever and everything would stay the same

Now my heart feel like December when somebody say your name

'Cause I can't reach out to call you, but I know I will one day, yeah

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After years of trying Div's attempts to contact me eventually reduced. I assumed life give us closure and I now focused on addressing the expectations of Family. 

Out of the blue, last month, I got an email from her that she will be in India for a month, and she wanted to meet up. After ignoring multiple times, I broke my own rule to respond. After multiple back-and-forth emails and not making any progress, I could sense the desperation, frustration, and sadness in the emails. Despite all the years, the weakness in me of not being able to see or hear her feeling sad made me travel to meet her. Unfortunately, god had better plans for her as she was out of town, finding solace in visiting Tirupathi. The bright side was I was able to get 8 hours of me time in Bengaluru Airport. 

With just 3 days left for her to leave, I gave in and shared my phone number. I hope my trust will not be abused. The first call was an outpour of emotions, then it was flashback (digging into the memory treasure) and then trying to understand each other's lifes, the ups and downs. Every marriage has its share of up's and downs, it is not possible for someone from outside to really comprehend what is or is not. I am no relationship expert but sensed Div was making it work. We can sympathize, but cannot really help or solve, it has to be done by the couple themself. Being faithful and loyal to each other is important no matter what or how many times you fight.

She calls people meeting, people parting and life partners as destiny, I dont have much of an opinion on it "could be desitiny or could be god way of gifting us or cursing us some experiences". Either way, this week I realized that Div is a part of life that I can't erase but also one that I have to erase and find closure. By the end of the week, I was content, knowing that someone who has been in my thoughts and daily prayers is happy and working on making incremental improvements. Truly, I hope i was to able to give her the attention she deserves and help her complete her trip being accomplished and happy. There is 1 positive that I see in all of this, I can now let go and no longer need to keep the occasional tab on her, something that I was doing since last many years.

 Leaving with a song from one of my favorite collage time bands "Michael Learns to Rock" - "The Ghost of you"